Empathy Expansion

50 books that have taught me

Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

In certain circles, empathy has come to be a bad thing. A popular book released last year focuses on the dangers of empathy and has an average Goodreads rating of 4.35 stars. (I'm not naming the book. It doesn't need more attention.) While on Joe Rogan's podcast last year, Elon Musk said, "The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy."¹ This viewpoint is not only immoral, but it harms the person who holds it as much as it harms their neighbor. A person who lacks empathy will miss out on experiencing deep relationships and the joy that comes from loving people well.

It's not a coincidence that book-banning efforts have increased simultaneously with attacks on empathy. The two have been and always will be related. Empathy can be learned from reading² and it can be hindered when readers don't have access to books that showcase different viewpoints, perspectives, and lifestyles. My life is constantly being impacted by the books I read, which is one of the reasons I wanted to write this post.

I want to share some of the books that have helped me develop more empathy. To make it clear what these books have helped me better understand, I've divided them into categories, including:

• Abuse and Violence

• Addiction and Substance Abuse

• Class and Poverty

• Disability and Illness

• Gender and Sexuality

• Grief and Loss

• Immigrants and Refugees

• Loneliness and Belonging

• Mental Health

• Race

One of the ways we can all push back against the rhetoric that empathy is dangerous is by reading books that let us into the worlds of characters and people who are not like us. Empathy matters, books matter, and becoming people who can walk alongside our neighbor with compassion, grace, and love matters. Check out my list and share your book recommendations in the comments below.

Abuse and Violence

• I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

  • A former child star recounts her mother's abuse and the price of fame in this excellent memoir.

• Know My Name by Chanel Miller

  • Formerly known as Jane Doe, Chanel Miller walks readers through the sexual assault she experienced. Having her body fully examined and being questioned over and over again about what happened seemed as traumatizing as the violence itself.

• A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

  • The abuse Jude suffered in childhood still haunts him as an adult in this doorstopper that follows him and his friends as they grapple with love, sexuality, and relationships. No book has ever made me cry as hard as this one.

• The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead

  • Two Black boys face abuse at a Florida reform school in the Jim Crow era.

• There There by Tommy Orange

  • A diverse group of Native Americans living in Oakland faces personal demons and each other in the lead-up to an important powwow. The climax of this novel is unforgettable.

Addiction and Substance Abuse

• Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs by Johann Hari

  • Hari brilliantly examines the war on drugs, its effectiveness, and suggests ways to mitigate addiction and lessen arrests.

• Margo’s Got Money Troubles by Rufi Thorpe

  • Desperate for money and support, a young single mom allows her flaky father to move in with her, but his help comes with the cost of his drug addiction.

• The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath by Leslie Jamison

  • Jamison explores alcoholism-her own and that of famous writers-in this beautifully written book that's equal parts memoir and literary criticism.

• Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward

  • A mom who's struggling with a drug addiction takes her two kids and a friend to pick up their father from prison. Ward's talent shines in this impactful novel full of magical realism and heartbreaking family moments.

• Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi

  • After he dies of a heroin overdose, a young man's sister and mother face the reality of their loss in different ways and must find ways to move on.

Class and Poverty

• Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show by Bethany Joy Lenz

  • Lenz tells the story of how she got involved in a cult that would end up taking most of the money she earned from being on a popular TV series. Her story and resilience are remarkable.

• Erasure by Percival Everett

  • Monk, a professor and writer, has achieved a bit of success, but he becomes disheartened by the fame and money lavished upon a writer whose bestseller appropriates life in Harlem. When he writes his own version of a similar story, the consequences surprise him.

• The Guest by Emma Cline

  • Alex, who was just dumped by her rich boyfriend, keeps herself busy on Long Island for a week so she can attend his Labor Day party and lure him back. She's a complicated character who makes poor choices, but I rooted for her the whole time.

• Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick

  • Demick provides an up-close look at the lives of six North Korean citizens and explores the consequences of totalitarianism.

• Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble, and Coming of Age in the Bronx by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc

  • A reporter follows a group of young people in New York as they deal with parenthood, romance, addiction, arrests, and poverty.

Disability and Illness

• Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted by Suleika Jaouad

  • Jaouad recounts the leukemia diagnosis she received in her early 20s and shares about her treatment, pain, fears, and how she was able to find light in the darkness.

• Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors

  • Three sisters come together to mourn their fourth sister, who died of an overdose after living with extreme pain.

• Easy Beauty by Chloé Cooper Jones

  • This powerful memoir explores what it’s like to live in a disabled body when even close friends wonder out loud if your life is worth living.

• Happiness Falls by Angie Kim

  • The answers to a father’s disappearance hinge on his son, who has Angelman syndrome and is unable to speak.

• My Bright Abyss: Meditation of a Modern Believer by Christian Wiman

  • Faced with a cancer diagnosis, Wiman explores life and death through the lens of his Christian faith in this memoir that reads like poetry. (Wiman is a poet and was editor-in-chief of Poetry magazine for a time.)

  

Gender and Sexuality

• American Jezebel: The Uncommon Life of Anne Hutchinson, the Woman Who Defied the Puritans by Eve LaPlante

  • I learned about Hutchinson in a history class and was fascinated by her courage and how she used her voice in a society that did not want to listen.

• Diary of a Void by Emi Yagi

  • An office worker fakes a pregnancy so her male coworkers will start taking her seriously and show her respect.

• The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai

  • Two friends face loss and grief as the AIDS epidemic ravages those they love.

• Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

  • This Pulitzer-winning epic tells the story of the Stephanides family, including Calliope, who was born intersex.

• This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel

  • Parents try to figure out the right steps when their little boy begins to love dresses and dreams of becoming a princess one day.

Grief and Loss

• Grief Is for People by Sloane Crosley

  • In this vulnerable memoir, Crosley navigates grief in the wake of her close friend’s suicide.

• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

  • Lewis mourns his beloved wife in this powerful classic.

• Tell the Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt

  • A young girl grieves for her beloved uncle and is comforted by a mysterious man who also loved him.

• What I’d Rather Not Talk About by Jente Posthuma

  • A woman must face life while missing and remembering her twin brother, who succumbed to his depression.

• You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith

  • Smith tells how she moved on and rebuilt her life in the face of her husband’s infidelity and the divorce that soon followed.

Immigrants and Refugees

• Dominicana by Angie Cruz

  • The family of a teen girl forces her to marry an older man with the hope that life in America will lead to riches for all of them.

• Exit West by Mohsin Hamid

  • Two lovers find a magical way to escape from impending war and violence in an unnamed country.

• If I Survive You by Jonathan Escoffery

  • Jamaican immigrants try to make it in Florida, but encounter racism, homelessness, a recession, and other obstacles in this gripping novel.

• This Country: Searching for Home in (Very) Rural America by Navied Mandavian

  • A Middle Eastern man and his wife move from California to rural Idaho in this compelling and surprising graphic memoir that explores belonging and race.

• When Stars Are Scattered by Victoria Jamieson and Omar Mohamed

  • This middle-grade graphic novel tells the true story of Omar Mohamed and the time he spent with his brother in a Kenyan refugee camp.

Loneliness and Belonging

• All the Colors of the Dark by Chris Whitaker

  • Two young, lonely misfits become entangled for decades to come in this expertly woven mystery.

• Orbital by Samantha Harvey

  • Astronauts think about home, family, and the false borders humans erect as they orbit the Earth.

• Rejection by Tony Tulathimutte

  • This collection of provocative short stories explores loneliness and rejection in the age of near-constant media consumption.

• Seek You: A Journey through American Loneliness by Kristen Radtke

  • Radtke uses a graphic novel format to explore loneliness, including the powerful story of a doctor who studied the loneliness that plagued him his entire life.

• Sigh, Gone: A Misfit’s Memoir of Great Books, Punk Rock, and the Fight to Fit In by Phuc Tran

  • A funny and touching memoir that explores what it’s like to fit in as the son of immigrants.

Mental Health

• Ab(solutely) Normal: Short Stories That Smash Mental Health Stereotypes edited by Nora Shalaway Carpenter and Rocky Callen

  • This impressive YA anthology tackles topics such as depression, PTSD, panic attacks, and suicidal ideation.

• Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

  • The families of two Ghanaian sisters face the generational trauma brought about by slavery and racism.

• How to Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis

  • Davis explores how mental health impacts our ability to maintain clean and orderly spaces and offers helpful advice for keeping up a restful home.

• Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler

  • Tendler checks herself into a psychiatric hospital and attempts to heal in this well-written memoir.

• Strangers to Ourselves: Unsettled Minds and the Stories That Make Us by Rachel Aviv

  • Aviv delves into psychology as she explores the lives and diagnoses of several people who are facing different mental battles.

Race

• Borders by Thomas King

  • An Indigenous woman refuses to give up her identity in this short but powerful YA graphic novel.

• Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah

  • Having a white father and a Black mother meant that Trevor Noah’s existence was indeed a crime while living in South Africa during Apartheid. Noah’s memoir is as funny as you’d expect, but it’s full of drama and difficulties, too.

• The Message by Ta-Nehisi Coates

  • Coates visits Africa for the first time, deals with people trying to ban his book, and reflects on Israel and Palestine in this collection of three essays.

• Quicksand by Nella Larsen

  • A mixed-race woman can’t find a place to belong in this timeless classic from the 1920s.

• The Talk by Darrin Bell

  • A Black man looks back on his boyhood and reflects on knowing how and when to sit down with his kids to talk about race and violence.

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What books have helped develop your empathy? Have you read any of the ones I’ve listed here? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

1. https://edition.cnn.com/2025/03/05/politics/elon-musk-rogan-interview-empathy-doge/index.html

2. https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/how-reading-fiction-increases-empathy-and-encourages-understanding