When I Hold Shame's Hand

On Body Image and How We Speak to Ourselves

Photo by k s on Unsplash

I'm not sure there's a more complicated relationship than the one we have with our bodies. Our bodies allow us to move through the world and experience life, yet we often treat or think of them disdainfully. Like most women I know, I've been on a journey with my body. I don't fit traditional beauty standards, and, at times, I've felt envious of those who do. But even those who are traditionally attractive struggle with their image. No matter how often I hear it, I'm always taken aback when someone I think is beautiful disparages their body or appearance. Many of us would never say to another person the words we say or think about ourselves. The cruelty we can direct toward the person in the mirror is truly heartbreaking.

Food is an essential piece of the puzzle when discussing body image. Food is fuel, yet it can be seen as the enemy. It's commonplace to assign morality to food. A carrot is good, but a cupcake is bad. Far too often, I hear things like this when eating with someone:

• "I shouldn't be eating this."

• "I'll have to work this off later."

• "I'm being so bad right now."

I cringe every time I hear something like that. I sympathize with the person saying it because I, too, have said similar things, but I also fear their judgment.

• If they think they shouldn't be eating this, are they judging me for eating it?

• If they think they need to work it off later, are they judging me for not going to the gym?

• If they think they're being bad, do they think I'm a bad person too?

The things we say about ourselves or food don't just affect us but also those around us.

Thankfully, I'm kinder to myself now than I ever have been. Even on my worst body image days, I refuse to criticize myself out loud. I no longer feel guilty for eating, even if it's "bad" food. If it's 95 degrees outside, I’ll wear the shorts I refused to buy for over a decade.

Getting to this place took a lot of work, and I still have a lot of work left to do. Though social media can cause harm or stress in my life, it's also been a powerful self-love tool. I've learned about intuitive eating and the health at every size movement. I follow a lot of plus-size fashion and style accounts, and seeing bodies like mine in fabulous clothes has radically changed how I see myself. Creators that encourage gentleness and authenticity have helped me develop those traits in my daily life.

Despite my upward trajectory with body image, there was a recent moment when I felt shame creep in. The poem I'm sharing today was inspired by that moment. I hope it speaks to you, but more than anything, I hope you speak to you. Speaking of and to ourselves with kindness, empathy, and love can be life-changing, not only for ourselves but for the people in our orbit.

Here’s this week’s poem.

Thanks for reading. Please consider sharing if this post resonated with you.