Readerly Guilt
Why it's there and what to do about it
Does anyone else struggle with guilt when it comes to reading? Or maybe a better way to phrase that is guilt pertaining to being a reader. I’ve felt a bit of that lately and it got me wondering why. Why do I ever feel guilt or pressure when it comes to my reading life? Who do I think I’m trying to impress or appease? What causes me to feel negative feelings regarding a hobby I love and am passionate about? Those are some of the questions I want to explore today.
Being a Reader = Identity
I have a lot of hobbies, but the one I’ve had the longest is reading. I’ve been a reader for as long as I can remember. As a three-year-old, I’d bring a stack of phonics flashcards to my mom and ask her to review them with me because I wanted to learn how to read. I love words and how they fit together. I’m still amazed when I read a sentence or a poem that forces me to pause so I can take it all in. Those experiences never get old.
Despite having other hobbies and interests, none of them have become part of my identity the same way reading has. I play piano, but I don’t think of myself as a musician. I like to decorate my home, but I don’t think of myself as a designer. I like to journal, scrapbook, collage, and paint, but I don’t always think of myself as an artist. Though I love and care about other things, none of those hobbies have become part of my core identity. (Maybe they should, but that’s a topic for another post.)
I think one of the reasons I consider reading part of my identity is due to the time I’ve put into it. Most books take several hours to read, meaning that I spend more time reading than I do on any of my other hobbies. I have an extensive home library, so I’ve spent more money on reading than I have on art supplies or notebooks. I have a degree in English, and I work in libraries, so even my education and career revolve around books. I’ve invested in reading in ways I haven’t in other hobbies, and that’s part of why being a capital-R Reader has become a crucial part of my identity. I think of it like this:
Time + Resources + Passion = Identity
Since being a reader is part of my identity, feeling like I’ve made a misstep or haven’t been spending enough time reading isn’t just about a hobby, but a critique of who I am as a person. I recognize that that’s unfair and even a bit silly, but when something comes to define you, believing you’re not the model for that thing can feel discouraging, especially if you’re someone like me who struggles with perfectionism.
Being a Reader on the Internet
Another part of this conversation is that my reading is public. I share my thoughts on every book I read. I write reviews, make book lists, and try to offer helpful tips on becoming a stronger reader. I have a relatively small audience, but I take seriously the fact that people read my words every week. I want my audience to know they can trust me, and I want to be able to share about books consistently.
Sharing about books means I need to be reading them. As much as I love reading, there are times when I prefer to scroll TikTok, watch television, or listen to a podcast. It’s good to have multiple hobbies and interests, and I’m grateful I do, yet there’s still this nagging feeling of self-judgment sometimes when I’m doing something else with my downtime other than reading.
Some of those negative feelings are related to identity, but another aspect is that being a reader on the internet means you constantly have to produce. I love writing and talking about books, and I’m thrilled to have a space where I can do that, but that means reading becomes content in a way my other hobbies never do. I don’t write about that song I’ve been learning on the piano or that craft I did over the weekend, but I do write about reading and literature. Increased pressure can come when something isn’t only a hobby, but part of your online content or, for some, the primary source of your income.
The Numbers Game
Being a reader on the internet also involves considering the numbers. It’s easy to fall into the vicious cycle of comparison when we equate likes, subscribers, and comments to value. Of course, it’s nice when people engage with me and my work; validation and feeling a sense of community are wonderful things. But I always try to remind myself that I’m my first audience member. I want to produce content that inspires and helps other people, but I want that content to come from a place of self-acceptance and be inspired by what I’m passionate about.
Comparing myself to other online readers has only served to bring about self-doubt and feelings of defeat. I wondered why I don’t have as many subscribers as this person or I felt bad when a creator I respect has read a lot more than I have. I tend to read a lot more than the average person, but some readers I follow online read 100 or even 200+ books a year. I’ve seen people praise them for their dedication, and I’ve also seen people criticize them, saying there’s no way they can actually absorb all of that content.
That difference of opinion reminds me that no matter how many books I read, posts I write, or likes I get, comparison only leads to bad feelings of inadequacy or judgment. There’s no way to make everyone happy. When reading becomes a sport where someone has to win, that sense of competition can strip away the joy found in literature and discussion.
Being the Right Kind of Reader
Another aspect of readerly guilt I struggle with sometimes is being the right kind of reader. I realize how ridiculous that sounds because I don’t even believe there is a right kind of reader. I don’t care what other people are reading or why they’re reading it, and I’m sure most of you don’t, either. And yet there’s still that inner voice of judgment that asks me, “Are you sure you want to read that? Shouldn’t you be reading something more highbrow? More literary? More esteemed? More beloved?”
I read a lot of book reviews and literary Substacks, and I’m always impressed with the cool books people are talking about. I love seeing titles in translation, picks from smaller presses, or hearing someone rave about a debut author. Since I’m impressed by other readers’ book picks, part of me wants my audience to be impressed with mine. The perfectionist in me wants to read the ideal balance of books that proves I’m worthy of the Reader identity.
Most of the time, I let go of that pressure to be the ideal reader pretty quickly, but now and then, I do feel a sense of obligation to read the right books, the cool books, and the popular books, as if reading and writing about books is some kind of test. It’s both interesting and frustrating how things you don’t even believe in can still mess with your head sometimes.
How to Respond to Readerly Guilt
If any of what I’ve written resonates with you, maybe you’re wondering what to do about the pressure and negative feelings associated with being a reader. Here are some things that have helped me.
Remember that no one else gets to determine your identity.
Before you’re anything else, you’re a beloved human being. People might stick all kinds of labels on you and you might stick all kinds of labels on yourself, but, ultimately, only you get to decide who you are and who you’ll be.
Remember that your audience is there for a reason.
If you create content and feel pressure to produce, remember that the people who follow and support your work do it for a reason, whether you have 25 subscribers or 2500. There’s something about you they find authentic. They’re willing to invest their time and even their dollars because they find value in your unique voice and perspective. You have something to say that only you can say.
Remember that there’s no such thing as a “good” reader.
It might be tempting to believe that only books with prizes and bestseller status are worth your time, but that’s not the case. Read what interests and excites you. Choose titles you find entertaining and fun. Spend time with authors whose work makes you feel something and challenges you. Don’t worry about trends or popularity. Reading takes time, so spend that time with books you’re genuinely eager to read. Your passion is contagious.
Remember that it’s good to love more than one thing.
Instead of beating yourself up for doing other things when you could be reading, celebrate the fact that you have various interests. Acknowledge the days when your brain needs a break. Accept that sometimes you’d rather rewatch 30 Rock than crack open that new hardback on your nightstand. Try to find joy in other things the same way you find joy in reading. Your life will be richer if you do.
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Do you relate to anything I talked about today? What types of readerly guilt have you encountered? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I loved this post, and I agree with you. Sometimes I feel like I need to rush through reading because it's taking me too long to finish it. In the end, I realize I'm putting the pressure on myself and there's no need. I'm a slower reader, and I have other priorities too. I'm not into numbers, and I set my "goal" low. I use it more to track my reading for the year.
Thank you for this! Another popular Substacker who is trying to cultivate a reading identity recently posted about how hard it was to keep up with being a reader, and I thought: It’s not hard to be a reader; it’s hard to be a reading influencer! Even if you’ve spent your whole life cultivating a readerly persona, there’s still a tension between reading as a private act and performing that act publicly on this platform and others. Thank you for addressing that!