A Life Update
Some things I'm learning during a hard season
I’m still taking a break from new bookish content and intended to reshare something today, but I’ve had an interesting week and wanted to talk about that and share some of the things I’ve been learning lately. This is a completely different kind of post than what I normally write, but these topics are where my head and heart have been, so it’s what I need to say.
This week, I officially started my summer break from work. What’s usually a fun and exciting time was instead a terrifying week that included being evacuated from my home due to a nearby wildfire. My family and I didn’t have a chance to pack any bags, so all we had was each other and the clothes we were wearing. I left work in a hurry, leaving behind a mess of unfinished projects. I’m home safe now, and the fire is mostly contained, but 14 homes were lost. The power was out for quite a while, so we lost all of our perishable food, but that seems like a small (though expensive) problem in the grand scheme of things.
Even though I’m safe and my home is standing, I still feel on high alert. I keep hearing planes fly overhead to help with the areas where the fire is still smoldering. We drove through nearby neighborhoods that were also evacuated and saw burnt trees and houses covered with pink retardant that kept the homes safe. It was an eerie sight. We were told to expect to see fire crews around for a few more days or weeks, monitoring hot spots and ensuring nothing flares back up. I’m in awe of these firefighters and know no words of thanks would ever be enough repayment for their courage and sacrifices.
As if that’s not enough, after months of uncertainty and a cancer diagnosis a couple of months ago, next week, my mom has a couple more tests and will finally begin her radiation journey. If you’re a person of faith, I’d welcome your prayers that all goes well for her. Her doctor is optimistic that the radiation alone will bring about her healing and doesn’t expect her to experience many side effects, so my family has reason to be hopeful, though this situation is still hard.
This entire year has been hard so far, thanks to my parents’ health issues. Fire season starting so early and flaring up close by just adds to the stress. Amid the difficulties, I keep coming face-to-face with these lessons I’m slowly but surely learning.
Let people help you.
I’m not always good at asking for help or letting people in, but I’m learning that the more I share with my close friends, the lighter my load. Having someone text to check on me or a friend having a coffee delivered to my door means the world during tough times.
Take things little by little.
I’m a planner who likes to know my next steps far in advance of actually taking them. That’s been impossible this year, though, and yet I’m still standing. I’m learning that while plans can be good, it’s best to hold them loosely. When everything is overwhelming, it’s good to break things down as small as necessary. If taking things day by day still feels like too much, taking things hour by hour or minute by minute is just fine, too. I keep reminding myself that I’ve survived 100% of my worst days.
You have to look for goodness.
Over the last six or seven months, I’ve spent hours in emergency rooms, hospital rooms, and waiting rooms. Headlines continue to be grim and frightening. Making ends meet gets more challenging as gas and grocery prices soar. There seems to be a seemingly endless list of reasons to despair, which is why I’m convinced my survival depends on looking for goodness amid the hard stuff.
The goodness might be a kind nurse after 12 hours in the ER. It could be the sound of birds chirping outside my window, and knowing that if they matter to God, I matter even more. The goodness might be laughing when tears are so close, or a hotel room with your family when you’re hoping and praying to have a house to return to. There are plenty of reasons to weep, but there are plenty of reasons to hope, too. Hope takes work, but it’s always worth it.
Sometimes the best thing is not getting what I thought I wanted.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve looked back on my life and rejoiced that I didn’t get the thing I was desperate for in the moment. What can seem so urgent one day can be the thing you’re so glad to have avoided later on. My mom was supposed to start radiation treatments this week, but they were pushed back. We were so upset and disappointed by the delay, but if the treatments had started when they were supposed to, it would have coincided with being evacuated. No one wants to endure medical treatments in unwashed clothes and go back to a hotel room instead of their home. I still struggle with this, but I’m learning to trust that when I get a “no,” it might be paving the way for a “yes” later on that will be so much better.
Instead of resharing an entire post, I’d encourage you to read this one from August 2023 about anxiety and finding hope. When I started this Substack, it was solely focused on poetry. Before switching up my content, one of the poems I reflected on was “Yes” by William Stafford. It’s a beautiful piece that I hope speaks to you as deeply as it still speaks to me.
If you’d like to support my work, comment, share, upgrade to a paid subscription, buy me a coffee, or shop my bookshop or affiliate links. I love doing this work, and I’m thankful to have you in this community!
Thanks for reading my scattered thoughts today! I appreciate your presence in this community. What goodness have you seen lately? What truths keep you going? I’d love to hear about them.
You give me hope Andrea!You have been through so much. I instantly go to a negative place when things don’t turn out the way I had planned. I need to take things at a slower pace and not try to figure things out all at once.
It’s a struggle looking for the good in the world when everything is spiraling, but it’s getting easier. There is hope!
Thanks for this post friend.💝
That wildfire was so scary, I was home when we got the evacuation notice, and we had less than 5 minutes to grab a couple of things. I had only noticed the fire about 2 minutes before the level 3 notice. Our home is also safe but I agree the firetrucks driving by and the planes overhead are also leaving me on high alert. I don't know if you remember me from school, but I couldn't not leave a comment, because I could relate so much to your feelings about it.
All the good energy for your mom!